Artist Diary I : Ruby Emory

Welcome to my first of many Artist Diaries. Here I'll share my thoughts, reflections, and inspirations surrounding my work, and journey as an artist. I dive a bit into my process of creating the pieces and share my discoveries during the process as well. I phrase it that way because it's important to note that I don't always go into my work knowing what It's going to be about. Sometimes I start with a thought or an idea that I think I want to explore. Other times I create and allow the meaning of the painting to be revealed to me as it progresses. And in some cases, such as the one with the painting "Ruby Emory" I didn't discover the meaning of the painting until after it's found it's completion. I also want to note that just because I don't always go in readily "knowing" what the work is about, does not mean that it lacks intention or impact. Often I think of myself as merely a mirror -- reflecting the stories of the world and others onto my canvas, and sometimes I don't know or understand the story until it's been actualized in front of me. At times like this, painting feels like I'm acting on pure instinct, and that I'm merely the vessel sent to liberate these unspoken truths. 

Ruby Emory 36*36 in. mixed media on canvas 

This piece symbolizes the inequality that people of color have, and continue to experience because of the abundance of melanin in our skin. It speaks to those who have battled to love their skin. And it speaks to the ones who’ve wished they had fairer skin just for a glimpse of better treatment. It speaks to my mother who was constantly bullied for her complexion as a child, and has had to learn to love the reflection that she sees in the mirror🤎 I named this piece after the young teenager from the short series “Them" on Amazon prime directed by Lil Marvin. Season 1: day 7:Night (time slot 22:14 ➡️23:04) is the scene that brung me to tears and and connected me with the meaning of this painting. I won’t even try to explain the scene because I truly believe it’s something that you just have to watch to understand and feel. 

During the creation process I remember struggling so much to get past this point (pictured above). In the foundation stages I recall the feeling of there being a disconnect that I intended to express, but of what -- I'd not found that out yet. I began in March of 2023 and came to a point of understanding later on in May when the piece met its completion. 

A Poem inspired by the piece titled "Mirror" Pt.1 

When I look into the mirror, what do I see?
No love nor lust for the image being reflected
Only pain clouds these dark brown eyes
In this world, I’m subjected —To a life not worth living
Objectified by the eyes that gleam blue as the ocean
That is perfection
That— is ease
Desiring to do anything to know what it means 
To be heard when I’ve spoken
To not be judged by the notion —that my skin is too dark
I feel so alone I feel so afraid I feel so prone
To hate This reflection
that I see in the mirror
I just want to be perfect
Like the ones with the straight kinkless hair
I want my fair share
But how do I dare?
To love this —being ...staring at me in the mirror
Brown eyes clouded with grief
I want to see this person more clearer
To tell them, there’s beauty and this dark silhouette
To show them a love they’ve yet to have met
But the world says I’m less
There seems to be a disconnect